Hannah's Hope (now that I've read it)

Hannah's Hope - Jennifer Saake

I intended to read Hannah's Hope very slowly, reflecting on each point made and each idea discussed. I was going to make it stretch through my Christmas travels so that I would have something to read while relaxing. So, apparently starting the book on the 15th of December was a mistake. I finished on the 16th.

This book reflects on the story of Hannah and Elkanah (1 Samuel 1). In the story, Hannah longs for a child, but her womb is barren. Her husband, Elkanah, takes another wife in order to have children. One year, while at the house of the Lord, Hannah cries out to God and vows that if He gives her a child, she will give him back to the Lord for the rest of the days of the child's life. She later conceives and gives birth to a son, Samuel, who, upon weaning, she dedicates to the house of the Lord, as promised.

The first few chapters of the book were hard to read and yet also very good. The author, who has struggled with infertility and miscarriage, writes about the feelings and thoughts that go along with these struggles. She writes about how Hannah would have been feeling, and in this, relates to women everywhere who struggle with infertility/miscarriage/still birth. I could completely relate to everything she was writing and was blessed to have my experiences validated. What I'm feeling is real. What I'm feeling is normal. I'm not blowing this out of proportion. I don't have to pretend that this isn't affecting me anymore. This is what I'm feeling and I can be justified in feeling this way.

Throughout the book, Saake continually refers back to Hannah's story. She talks about having a mother's heart. She talks about the deep longing for children. She talks about what Elkanah (the husband) would have likely been feeling. And she talks about being a mother without living children. This book broke my heart (or rather, put words to my already wounded heart) and yet encouraged me so much.

I recommend this book to anyone struggling with infertility, miscarriage, or still birth. I equally recommend this book to anyone who knows anyone struggling with infertility, miscarriage, or still birth. It is written both for those struggling, and as an aid for those who have never been there to help those who have. (Each chapter ends with a "Burden Bearers" section written from the perspective of the hurting to those who are trying to help giving suggestions of things to avoid and areas in which to be extra-sensitive.)


P.S.- CONGRATULATIONS, JILL!!! Engaged! So very very exciting! When's the big day?

It's beginning to feel alot like Christmas...

Christmas kinda snuck up on me this year. Most years I think this, but I'm convinced that this year, more than other years, I am surprised at how suddenly Christmas seems to be upon me. Oh well, I'm glad it's come fast. It's just been a less painful wait for our trip to Sk!

I haven't been too busy lately. I try to never stress out around Christmas...so what if I don't bake 13 different types of treats and who cares if I don't get any more decorations up than just the tree...Christmas will still happen if I don't send out Christmas letters/cards (and most people won't even notice). So why worry about it?

Nathan and I are gearing up for our trip to Saskatchewan. We leave home tomorrow afternoon and fly out tomorrow evening. You all can pray that there aren't any major delays! I know that I'll be taking along alot of books, though, so that if we are stuck in the airport for a while, I'm not bored out of my mind!

Well, there's not much to write...maybe there'll be more to report (about gifts and family and all things wonderful) after Christmas, but for now, Merry Christmas! Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas season!

(you can consider this picture my Christmas card to you...I didn't get on top of letter-writing this year)

What are you waiting for?

Is there something in your life that requires you to wait? (a long, painful, confused wait?) At some point in everyone’s life, there will be a time of waiting. It could be the longing for a spouse…someone to share your life with. It could be waiting for a relationship to be restored. It could be that you’re going through some sort of suffering…waiting for your reward in heaven. It could be a wait for a child. Whatever your wait, know that God has not abandoned you. He’s right there. Sit very still...close your eyes…can you feel Him?

This poem struck me when I read it last night. It was almost as if I could have written it myself. It's called, "Wait."

..................................Wait..................................

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.

I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,

And the Master so gently said, “Child, you must wait.”

“Wait? You say wait?” my indignant reply.

“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.

“My future, and all to which I can relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me ‘wait’?

I’m needing a ‘yes,’ a go-ahead sign,

Or even a ‘no,’ to which I can resign.

“And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:

I’m weary of asking: I need a reply!”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”

So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut

And grumbled to God; “So I’m waiting, for what?”

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine

And he tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,

Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.

“All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.

You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You’d not learn to trust, just by knowing I’m there.

You’d not know the joy of resting in Me,

When darkness and silence was all you could see.

“You would never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

“The glow of My comfort late in the night;

The faith that I give when you walk without sight;

The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

“And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’

Yes, your dreams for that loved one o’ernight could come true,

But the loss! If you lost what I’m doing in you.

“So be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.

And though oft’ may My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all…is still…wait.”

- Russell Kelfer

Perks of living in a senior's town...

• the only available apartments in town are in a seniors complex and are wheelchair accessable (this is a good thing as each room is HUGE!)

• you get to slow down and smell the roses...whether you choose to or not

• seeing all the old men emerge from their laziboys in spring to go for a walk and get the mail

• the group of men having "coffee" just inside the mall doors on the bench...no coffee to be seen, but alot of people-watching!

• the pleasure of so much green faux fur on jackets this time of year

• getting cultured by overhearing conversations in foreign languages throughout the day

• stories about the "good ol' days"...everyday

• you don't lose tradition (no matter how hard you try)

• lots of smiling, appreciative faces

• lovely smells of homecooked food in the streets

• flowers, flowers, everywhere

• old gentlemen (their cuteness/funniness/gentleman-ness)
  

• daily reminders of what's truly important in life (and believe it or not, it's not 50" flatscreens)

• plowed streets and sidewalks and sanded streets the morning after a fresh snow

• seeing people older than 50 holding hands...enough said.

My Husband...

For those of you who have never met my husband, this is Nathan.

Nathan is
amazing. He
believes in me. He is SO
considerate and caring. I can completely
depend on him. He is
eager to please me. He is my
faithful companion, my
greatest fan. He is
honest with me and I can be honest with him. What an
incredible guy. We can
joke around together. We can eat
Kraft dinner together (he gets all my cheese). We
laugh together often. Nathan
melts my heart over and over again. It feels completely
natural to be his wife. In fact, you could say that I'm
overjoyed to be called his. He is
patient. He is
quite willing to help. He is
responsible. He is
so, so sweet (like when he pampers me and does special things for me). Is he
too good to be true??? Nathan, you are
ultimately the
very best for me, and I
wouldn't trade you for anything. You're
xtra special to me and I love
you! I have no regrets about marrying you.
Zip, zero, zilch.

(And he will say that I shouldn't have written this about him...but I don't care.
Deep down he'll love it.)

O for Grace to Trust Him More...

I just want to start by saying a huge THANK YOU to “H” who’s blessing (unexpected Amazon gift certificate) came to fruition today. I received in the mail, from Amazon, the book “Hannah’s Hope” by Jennifer Saake. I don't know much about the book except that it’s supposed to be really good. I look forward to reading it and perhaps I’ll eventually let you all know what I think about it! Thanks again, H, you’ve blessed me greatly!

As I was listening to God this morning during my devos, a song came to my head. I took that as God speaking, because it spoke directly to what I was thinking and asking God about.

They that wait upon the Lord

Shall renew their strength

They will mount up with wings as eagles

They will run and not grow weary

They will walk and not faint

Teach me Lord, teach me Lord, to wait

I couldn’t remember the second verse to it, and when I went online to find it, I couldn’t find it anywhere! This has led me to believe that the church I attended most of my life has a very good song-writer in their congregation…on numerous occasions I have tried to find lyrics to supposed second verses only to find that only one verse exists. Hmm…it’s a mystery. Here’s what I remember of the second verse...if anyone knows more of the words (dad?) could you please let me know? It’s driving me crazy!

(second verse)

Teach me, Lord, to wait

Down on my knees

Teach me not to rely… … ..

... ... ...

... ... ...

but to wait in prayer for an answer from You.

Before I checked for the words online, I thought it might, just maybe, be a hymn. So I checked the hymnal. As I was looking for “They that wait…” (which wasn’t there, obviously) I found three or four hymns - right where that song would have been - about trusting Jesus. Interesting, no? Needless to say, I checked them out.

Side-note: I’ve always loved hymns. No, I haven’t always understood them (though this understanding and appreciation grew a lot throughout high school) and yes, I agree that some can be a drag to sing…and yes, the theology behind some can be questionable…BUT despite those things, there have certainly been hymns that have spoken to me as much as (and occasionally more than) a lot of current worship songs. I think those churches who drop hymns all together are losing something wonderful… something that shouldn’t be overdone, and shouldn't be done so poorly that 98% of the congregation gags at the thought of them, but nevertheless wonderful.

Anyway, enough of my hymn rant. I just thought I’d share some of the words to one of the hymns that I found this morning. Such a good reminder to trust...

‘Tis So Sweet to Trust In Jesus

‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His Word;

Just to rest upon His promise,

Just to know, “Thus saith the Lord.”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him;
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!

O for grace to trust Him more.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,

Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;

And I know that Thou art with me,

Wilt be with me to the end.

O for grace to trust Him more.

This is a picture I took this morning...

Winter is definitely here...there is beauty surrounding me. I love the look of winter, but so many years in a cold winter climate means that this beauty around me is slightly marred with the knowledge of the frigid temperatures that come with it. Oh well...at least I have the blessing of being able to enjoy the beauty with my camera from inside my warm house! Mmm...blankets...furnaces...heat...

A bit of an update...no more of this silliness...

Every once in a while, I need a bit of a break from blogging. That's when I end up writing about people in banks, and being uninspired. It's because I'm just that...uninspired. Well, uninspired, or just not knowing how to put into words what's happening in life. Or feeling like there IS nothing happening in life! But for whichever reason I choose, it's time for a bit of an update, so behold...an update:

I am just coming out from under a cold. First cold of the season for me. It's not completely gone yet, but for the first time in about a week, I can breathe out of both my nostrils and haven't blown my nose in the past hour. Doing good. I've really felt like I'm under water for a while...everything echoes in my head and my nose keeps dripping, yet never drips enough to be unplugged. Ick. Anyway, I'm feeling better today, so moving on...

Last night, Nathan and I had the opportunity (or privilege) to visit some friends of ours in Rosenort. M & A were just married in September (on my birthday!). They invited us over for supper and an evening of playing Wii and catching up. This was a great evening and very extra special, because A was our first (former) youth to get married. It's amazing to see her being a family with her husband and them making their own home. They've done so well, and I am excited to see where life takes them.

For us, lately, life has not been much of anything. Nathan will finish his third full week at Loewen's today. He's basically counting down the weeks and lives for the weekends. I find that it's already taking a toll on me too. I find that, even though we have basically every evening together, I still don't see enough of him. I may be the only one out there but 4-5 hours a day with the man I love just isn't enough! It seems all we do these days is work, have supper, clean up from supper, do nothing for two hours (because we're both tired) and then Nathan makes his lunch, I shower, and we go to bed. I don't know how some married couples keep it together only seeing each other for an hour or two a day! I guess that's why so many marriages end in divorce these days. Couples are set up to break. Work takes so much of both the husband and wife's time and energy that, once they get home, they just crash and turn off their minds. Marriage takes work, and even more so when time together isn't built into our everyday lives. I'm wondering if there is something to be said for one person in a couple working less hours a day outside the home than the other so that they can put more time and energy into making the home. I guess we could call this idea "homemaking". Such a traditional word, but I'm realizing just how blessed I am to have a job where I can leave work early or put in shorter hours in order to keep our home "made."

Christmas is coming soon. We're getting very excited about that. We still have a bit of shopping to do, but nothing major. We're not home enough for it to be worth alot of Christmas baking, but the house is decorated, and I'm enjoying the glow of the Christmas tree every evening! I guess Christmas letters should be written very soon...otherwise I'll be sending out new years letters yet again. I try not to stress too much this time of year though. That's not what Christmas is for, so why worry about it? For me, Christmas is about celebrating our Saviour's birth with friends and family. Decorations, baking, letters, gifts and everything else is nice, but if it's going to make the celebration aspect less, it's not worth it.

So there you have it. A quick update from the McCorkindales. There's not much going on, but at least now you all know that for yourselves!

Hope you're all enjoying the weeks leading up to Christmas! God bless!

Tiny bubbles... (in the wine...)

You cannot stand too close to someone in line at the bank. It is just something you should not do. For me, it is on the same level as standing too close to an outhouse that is in use or reading the newspaper over someone's shoulder on the bus (with arm contact and all).

I'm not sure why it bothers me so much. I guess there's just something about the hot breath, of someone I don't know, on the back of my neck that makes me uncomfortable. Or maybe it's the pressure of having to stand perfectly still because, if I would take a step back, I might actually touch the alleged crowder.

I guess some people just have smaller bubbles than I do (and I don't think mine is exceptionally large). It's possible that people assume, given my vertically-challenged situation, that my bubble is proportionately smaller than others'. That would be logical, I suppose, if I had a vertical bubble. Horizontally, however, I like as much space as anyone else of average height.

So why do some people feel the need to crowd other people's bubbles? The only thing I could come up with is maybe they're not born with a bubble? Or maybe they were born with their own bubble a little deflated, and don't understand when other people keep backing away. Whatever the reason, so be it. There are things much worse than this.

In conclusion: Two or three feet is nice. One foot is pushing it, and 6 inches, like at the bank this morning, is me getting close to going "kung-fu panda" on you...or more likely just taking a step back.

Hope you all have a good, uncrowded day.

p.s-the lovely artwork adorning the top of my post was designed and created by yours truly. (Now you know why I usually use a camera for my art)