Five stars for not thinking about the future...

If I had to rate how hard it is to not think about and plan for the future, I'd give it five out of five stars. (see image below)

A couple weeks ago, we were talking to someone, and he challenged Nathan and I to spend these next few months focusing solely on the healing process and not allowing anything to distract us. He was refering to our future plans. He said to just put the thoughts on hold for a few months. We agreed. Only now am I realizing just how hard that really is. Plus, I've found a couple other distractions that I'm trying to put on hold for a while.

Plans. I like to have plans. They make me feel in control. They make me feel put-together. Let's face it, they make me feel just plain powerful. So accepting the challenge to give up making plans for a few months has turned out to be harder than I thought possible. I'll get this idea in my head and, when I would normally run with it and imagine and dream and "plan", I'm forcing myself to write it down, and then put it out of my head. Put up your hand if you've ever done this. It is IMPOSSIBLE!!! I must dream! I must think about what could come! I cannot just sit and think about nothing, especially when in my nothing-ness, I'm trying NOT to think about SOMETHING!

As I'm working through this "not-being-distracted" thing, though, I'm realizing slowly that it may be more about not allowing ourselves to be distracted, rather than about not dreaming about the future. Nathan and I are dreamers. We like to sit and talk and think about what could come. Who knows, we could live on a desserted island one day with our 20 children and 5 dogs and be one big happy family...(except that I don't think we'd be happy, and our island would end up quite inbred). So my conclusion is: Allow myself to dream and think, but put off the actual making of concrete plans for a few months. Good. Moving on.

Second thing that I've been attempting to not be distracted by: finances. This one is working out quite well. In my attempt to allow God to provide and not worry or be distracted by finances, I've stopped budgeting. Now, before you all panic and start sending us cheques and gifts, let me explain. In my not budgeting, I've let Nathan know that we officially have "no money." That lets him (and me) know that there is absolutely no money for anything that could even maybe be considered extra. This allows me to forget about the budget, because I know that we will not overspend beyond what we need. And what we need, God will provide. That said, I am not taking a break from checking our account balance. If I see that we will be running short, we will pray and then let certain people know about our need.

Funny story relating to spending "nothing." Nathan and I were in Steinbach the other day as we had a meeting to attend at 5pm. Now, Steinbach is an hour's drive from home, and we left early so that we could do some things before the meeting. We didn't take a supper along, as we could have, but we have a better story because of it. We pulled up to Dairy Queen about 1/2 an hour before our meeting started, in hopes of stilling our hunger for less than $7. Well, Dairy Queen has this deal right now: 2 Cheesburgers for $3.33. Good deal. But one thing. I don't like cheeseburgers. My wonderful, frugal husband assures me that this is no biggie. He walks up to the counter and orders 2 cheesburgers...one with cheese and one without. He confused the poor high school employee for a couple seconds (you want a cheeseburger without cheese?), but when we both filled our stomachs for less than $7, all confusion was worth it!

Ok, so the third thing that I'm attempting to not be distracted by is pregnancy. No, no...people, I am NOT pregnant. Wouldn't that be a great way to tell you though? But I'm not. It's ok. I'll come up with something much better when the time comes (and parents, you won't have to find out here). ANYWAY...as those of you who have struggled to get pregnant know, it is a distraction by very definition of the word "trying." In an effort to not become more distracted by this than I already am, we have decided that there will be no greater efforts made than to simply...how shall I put this?...be married. No specific timing. No doctors. No medications. No special "herbs." At this time, it is 100% in God's hands...which is exactly where it's been for the past 26 months. Now's not a good time to take it away from Him.

So that's where we're at. Or should I say, that's where I'm at. Attempting to not be distracted and to not stress. Some days it works. Some days the attempt fails miserably. But there's always another day. Today's "trouble" is enough for today. Tomorrow will worry about itself. (Matt 6:34)