- we have "come out" to the church about Nathan's internet stuff
- we have been given a 2 week suspension from ministry
- we have confessed to friends
- we have driven to Saskatchewan
- we have driven back
- we have been given a 5 month suspension from ministry
- we have "come out" about trying for a baby
- we have confessed to the youth and parents
- we have confessed to the congregation
- we have driven to Saskatchewan
- we have spent four and a half days with Nate's family
- we have driven back
- we have handed out resumes looking for a job for Nate
- Nate has had a job interview
- Nate has worked three days at Canadian Lumber
Now:
The dreaded exhaustion that I knew would be on it's way has hit. For the first two weeks, I was kept going by adrenaline/emotions/sheer willpower/prayer and now, I feel drained. I think Nathan feels the same way. We're tired. We feel like we're done fighting. I feel like giving up. Just throwing up my hands and saying, "fine, you've got us...can we please go back to our old life where we weren't the talk of the town?" I'm tired of going to work every day. I'm tired of wondering how involved I should be in church and/or youth. I'm tired of wondering what the next few months will hold. I'm tired of wondering what job Nathan should take or where he should apply. I'm tired of wondering if bringing a baby into this confusion that we call life right now is a good thing. I just want life to be normal again. I want us to know what tomorrow will look like. I want to be able to know where the next paycheque will come from. But despite all the unknowns, I KNOW that God is faithful. I KNOW that he will provide. I KNOW that we won't have to miss meals or freeze because he WILL provide. I KNOW that if a baby came right now, it WOULD be good. We have been praying for God's timing, and if this is it, ok. God obviously has a greater depth of field than I do. And I KNOW that Nathan and I will still be able to laugh together and cry together and just BE together, because that's what marriage is. No matter how tight things get, or how stressed and tired and done we are, there will still be love.
But, despite all the things I KNOW, sometimes I wish that I KNEW the details too...
UPDATE: At noon, today, Nathan accepted a job as a soil tester for Cargill here in town. He starts tomorrow morning at 8am with training. Please pray that this job works well. It means long hours, but sounds like a good job. It will only be until the end of the month, though, so job-hunting isn't completely out of our minds yet.
7 comments:
The love you two have for each other is an inspiration to many. Even on those days when things may feel a little less than sure, I know that you've got a good foundation under your feet.
Love the picture. Love the couple. Love the woman holding my son.
That picture is too beautiful - so much love there. God will sustain you both, even in your exhaustion. Love you, Niki.
Love you guys so much! Glad Nate got a job - even if it is just until the end of the month. We're praying for you and love you!
- Karis
weeww.. I was tired just reading that list. You have had and are having an expereience you will not soon forget and will grow immensely through. Remember I'm here for you anytime you want, we can chat and pray together.
You've been walking a long difficult road but God is going to bless you for the steps you have and are taking. I wish I knew the details so I could share them with you. But I will keep praying that God shows them to you in His time. Thinking of you lots.
ps. I have been the talk of the town before and it sucks but it will I pass. I promise :)
That is a great picture of you two.
I really admire your love for Nathan. You are an amazing wife. Know that!
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