Thinking...and thinking...and thinking...and thi...

I've been thinking alot lately.

I've been asking questions, and I've been thinking.

Two nights ago, I opened my Bible and read 1 Timothy. There's something about reading the New Testament just puts things into perspective for me. It speaks to me.

Suddenly this life isn't about me anymore.

It's not about how I'm feeling and how I'm doing and what I need to accomplish. My worries and frustrations and fears just melt away somehow. And I feel peace. I feel like I am re-focused on the goal.

That's it.

I'm re-focused.

Reading the New Testament re-focuses me on the goal. And it reminds me what the goal is not. The goal is not to have three kids by the time I'm 30. It's not to have a successful career. It's not to impress people. It's not to look good when you go to church. It's not even to survive.

The one, most important goal is Jesus.

To strive for Jesus...hmm...what does that mean? Well, to strive means to make a strenuous effort toward a goal. To make a strenuous effort toward Jesus? I believe this means that I need to make every effort to become more like Him, and to touch as many people along the way as I can. Hopefully this touching inspires others to think about their journey to Jesus and maybe even to turn and begin their journey.

So I've been thinking about re-focusing and reading the New Testament as a daily reminder of that goal and of what my priorities should be.

I've also been thinking about youth.

Or rather, not being involved in youth.

Truthfully, I was kinda excited that I wouldn't have to feel obligated to be involved in youth ministry this year. I was SO excited for my evenings and weekends. I was excited that I wouldn't feel any pressure to do anything other than go to work and come home. NO RESPONSIBILITIES!!!

And yesterday I realized that I miss it.

I miss it.

I miss the youth leaders. I miss knowing what's going on. I miss the youth. I miss going out in the evening. I hear snippets of what's happening in youth and I wish that I was in on it.

*sigh*

And as I was thinking about missing out, I realized that Nathan and I don't have much of a place in Altona, aside from youth ministry and being involved in our church. You take that away from our life and we're just a random couple with no reason for being in Altona over any other place in the world. It makes me feel kinda lost in this town. Yeah, we have friends and we both have jobs (now) aside from the church, but that was what our life was. It was church and youth. So now I'm wondering, do I actually miss being involved in youth, or do I miss our life?

I guess that's something I need to keep thinking about...